Moderation has reached my path

Tonight, thought my night was fucked...

Turned out everything is alright, and i ended things early tonight. drank some booze, hung out with the OTE's and they honestly are a good group of guys and I cannot wait to be active. They are a huge help with my life.

I thought i will be out all night, miss work, etc. Naw...they respect that shit. I have to get up and cook at wally's once again on a saturday afternoon. I don't mind wally's so much. Work is easy, ppl are great, and possibly i'll get a pledge brother to work there with me.

Tomorrow i decided to be a glam rocker for halloween. I got the Cinderella shirt, buy some big hair, and wear my tore up jeans. Oh yes, live the past like I do and will this halloween. I'll be at Jarret's tomorrow night, drinking my absolute fav beer PBR and play some tunes. I did mention i have a band together, right?

Check us out...Gould Ave Nymore...

Y'know, I have those guys and I have a lot of others I hang out with frequently. Andy, who is my closest friend here, I keep in touch with him the most when shit gets tough. he's an awesome friend. I also have Chad, Sam, who are religious, kind of different. but got me to play for thier intramural football team. Got far, but lost in the playoffs.

Let's see, there's Aaron and Rachel who toke me up...good shit only in moderation. Call me what you will but all Jon cares about is letting the good times roll!

Have ppl at linden hall i kick it with but some are lame, some get to my last nerve. I went to some assholes room the other day and threw his matress off of his bed cuz he's a moocher and i showed the rage in me.

Jesse Taylor...where the fuck has he gone? He's been busy house sitting, taking oddjobs since he's been out of school. Sure miss the guy.

Curtis, looks are deceiving in Texas...haha, you can bet your life on that!

Fuzzy called the other night. Good ol' fuzz...

and yeah, nuff being mushy.

Later on

Jon

about this blog..

my grammatical errors are obvious to point out doing blog post. cuz i get excited, not because i kannot spell wright.

Halloween is upon us...

Spent the whole month binging and purging (well, not the purging part.) Specially around my birthday time. Last night will probaly be the last night ever that I will drink on a fucking weekday. it is getting ridiculous. I'm doing adequate in class and I can do better. I cannot blame anyone but myself for this.


My mom was up last weekend to spend our last family time with the aunt, uncle, and g-ma at the union station. Been around for 29 years and is closing down, cuz i hear the guy Randy Ruttger is a poor businessman. (no need to panic cuz the green mill is in town..are you crazy? There's a lot of history, tradition at the union station. Fucking asswipe.) I was pissed that i ordered a prime rib to be rare and they ran out of them!! Gee-sauce!! So, I'm a little bummed out and missed the last hurrah for dollar taps last night, and the 3 tacos for a buck.

OTE's kept me mighty busy, and being Mr. Senator Bergstrom right now is keeping me busy. John Lennon said it best...life happens while you're busy making other plans. Anyway, I'm the voice for the students and you can bet your bottom dollar on that! The pledging is coming to an end soon, and I cannot wait. One thing that will be a bit pointless for me to pledge this semester is that I will be inactive next semester cuz i'll be going home before going to eurospring. I cannot wait. I'm really stoked. I hope to meet an european girl and hit it off. haha. Different world and reason why i'm going is to see how diversity there really is in our world. You cannot experience diversity by staying in your country all of your life.

While I'm at home from dec-march i'm going to specialized in the canned-food arts with supplying corn (canned food factory assembly line worker if you want to be a dick about it.) I Will visit Bemidji frequently i assume. I'm just looking forward in not taking classes at the campus next semeter and taking it easy. So I laugh in your faces to those who do. ha...ha...even though some of you went to europe!

Halloween is upon us. I wanted to go to this party tonight, but I got fraternity stuff to do tonight. Tomorrow i'll be hitting bemidji avenue with a kiss costume I hope. I would be Cat, but he dropped the band (don't blame him.) I think gene simmons would look badass even though I hate his guts. I'll either go with Stanley or Ace. I'll also be helping out at the Lutheran campus center with their haunted house, dressed up as some boogieman I assume. We need volunteers!!! (I am a Lutheran but haven't gone to church since i came to college. I'm such a heathen :-p!)

You all have a safe halloween. I know I WON'T!!

Peace out

Jon

Outlaw Torn

..been listening to Metallica's "Load" album lately. I must say I really dig it, and is my favorite metallica album right now. This is a kickass song, probaly the most underrated metallica song out there....

Metallica

And now I wait my whole lifetime
For you
And now I wait my whole lifetime
For you

I ride the dirt I ride the tide
For you
I search the outside search inside
For you

To take back what you left me
I know I’ll always burn to be
The one seeks so I may find
And now I wait my whole lifetime

Outlaw of torn
Outlaw of torn
And I’m torn

So on I wait my whole lifetime
For you
So on I wait my whole lifetime
For you

The more I search the more my need
For you
The more I bless the more I bleed
For you

You make me smash the clock and feel
I’d rather die behind the wheel
Time was never on my side
So on I wait my whole lifetime

Outlaw of torn
Outlaw of torn
Outlaw of torn
And I’m torn

Hear me
And if I close my mind in fear
Please pry it open
See me
And if my face becomes sincere
Beware
Hold me
And when I start to come undone
Stich me together
Save me
And when you see me strut
Remind me of what left this outlaw torn

Hear me
And if I close my mind in fear
Please pry it open
See me
And if my face becomes sincere
Beware
Hold me
And when I start to come undone
Stich me together
And when you see me strut
Remind me of what left this outlaw torn

Damn it feels good to be...ME!

I'll admit...I have reached the highest peak at this day in age compared to what I have gone thru.

Let's walk back to October of 2003...

I hooked up with Laura...shady from the beginning, shady towards the end.

November of 03'

Laura cheated on me...two days after, threatened to harm herself I took her back.

December of 03' - August of 04'

I somewhat lived with Laura, moved in with her in April. I had friends come over to kick it here and there. Most part it was always Laura and I hanging out with her family, I was distant from mine, and I felt weirded out. I helped her babysit her nephews, mowed her mom/dad's lawn, i was MARRIED TO HER THAT SUMMER. Throughout the whole fiasco, I tried my damnest to make her happy. I have noticed every other word I said was sorry, and I put her before me. I started working at Newby's market Late August cuz she begged me to quit my carecenter job.

Sept 04' - April 05'

I left Bemidji to spend time with family without her. She threatened to cheat on me, and she did! I came back and she made me dinner wtih her MOM and made it all up to me, cuz I love her family dearly. I did nothing wrong to Laura, and her family knows it no matter what she tells ppl about me cuz I HAVE ALWAYS CARED FOR HER NO MATTER AND PUT HER FIRST...I have had it when it was December about. I went out by myself, did stupid shit with a chick who was pushing forty cuz i was frusterated and I did drugs that night. I left for awhile for X-mas break..went to iowa to hang out with charlie and scott...partied like rockstars at a hotel while she was up at bemidji, doing shit with ppl during january. I came back, we hooked up for the last time and lasted to April. I finally dumped her cuz of her white-trash background pushing me away, cuz those lousy bums were envious of me going to school and sick of me making laura look bad...didn't do it on purpose, but fuck those bumfucks! get a job! I hated the ppl she was aquainted with, and I dumped her ass and sooner or later, she hooked up wtih mr. old balls-waste of sperm who was a middle aged janitor here at BSU who is now currently unemployed!

May 05 - Aug 05

She was with "Old Balls" and kept calling me, wished that I pick up the best girl, blah blah blah. Meanwhile, I had a great summer going to illonois, living at Oak, chillin' with buds, getting to know new people. Got aquainted with someone who went thru the same bullshit so she and I shared that. She helped me thru some of this shit and I hope I made an impact on her. Cept I dumped Laura at the right time before things got worse but I still was hurt for all the shit I went thru. my friend was dumped and went thru shit...i felt for her. anyway, Laurakept calling me, told me that my african-american/african friends are horseshit and turned to be against her own color which really suprised me. Then I learned she moved in with the guy and it broke my heart. it broke my heart. She is the most naive, bitch I have ever met and to this day, I'll be honest, I wish she'd get buried six feet under. She tore me apart like no one else did and I don't know why someone will do this upon me. What the fuck did i do? at the beginning of the summer, however, i claimed i had the best summer of my life. New beginning. new friends. it was all good being single even though I carried that baggage. I thank you all who were there for me!!

Sept 05 - Oct 05

Shitty beginning. I was in dire straits with myself cuz I was bummed with being lonely. A girl fell for me and got too much that I decide to be LONELY and enjoy it!! anyway, on top of that, I started classes during the fall. I was told to pledge for OTE by my friends jarrett and Josh so i did, and I'm having a blast. I also got elected senate, I am doing well with classes, and I am on my way to eurospring. however i need to cut down on drinking. I feel stress free present day, compared to beginning of this semester, and I thank everyone for their support. (like I am in need that bad....???)

So here's a toast to the stars. Here's a toast to every new day. Here's a toast that I don't have to deal with Laura's bullshit anymore cuz she's not worth a pot to piss in, since she is heartbroken i'm doing well, so she says. Here's a toast that I get obsessive women off my back. Here's a toast for finally being satisfied with being ME!

And for the asshole post, this is a post that I give a BIG FUCK YEAH to those who respect me, and those who are close to me.

Those who read, add yourself to the thank you list.

DAMN IT FEELS GOOD TO BE ME RIGHT NOW!!

Peace

Jon

I'm a cold heartbreaker fit to burn and I'll rip your heart in two..

I broke it off after ignoring her all weekend.

What an asshole thing. She had high hopes. She really was into me. I thought she was too obsessive and I wasn't ready for commitment,a nd I wasn't attracted to her. So I did the deed to dump her, no apologies, just bang! i'm breaking up and out of her room I went.

I purposly left my cell phone in my room the whole entire weekend cuz I wanted to ignore her calls. (That includes her mother, relatives, friends..) what the hell? that freaked me out that she gets her family involved, forcing me to ask her out, and firing deep questions left and right. So yeah...breakups happen, and this one needed to be done. I'm a happier man, and I never cared to be with her anyway.

So how did I end up asking her out...SHE in front of her friends told me to. What the fuck am I to do? She's possesive and obsessive...and I led her on which was a BAD FUCKING THING!!

I guess this will be bad for the dating resume in the future, but it was necessary if you knew my situation.

Yep. I'm an asshole. Deal with it, i guess.

Peace out, hope you all understand

Jon

A-S-S-H-O-L-E

I am an asshole. Why? Cuz I can be, and that's how I feel. This girl I was talking about who I am 'dating' is still my girlfriend but I sure as hell am not doing my part so far. She's obsessive!! I gave her the hint earlier that I'm not for this relationship. I'm not going to be straight up with her cuz I don't feel like getting into a confrontation with her right now. I'm just gonna go about my business...I found out that I want to stay single, and keep falling for flirty chicks that I don't have a chance with! Seems like the ones who are attracted to me are unatracted and have head issues. Uff-ta!! If Women can be flirty, and seem oblivious that they are hurting guy's feelings leading them on, why the hell can't i be the same, right? Shit. I kind of like being disliked in that nature. I can leave a reputation that I can be a total jerk. Ha! Least I get noticed anyway. All in motion to that, say I....like I give a fuck!! HOw I feel with life now, I kind of want ppl to look back, in ten years to say "Jon Bergstrom is an asshole". It's a rush!! Ahhhh...that way, I have a shield that I won't let women drive me to the dirt at all because I can be a world class prick if I want to be, I have learned. Oh, ask my friends tonight that I kicked it with...they were offended with what I have to say. I will not repeat what I said tonight because it's very unethical. Oh what the hell.......if women want to be slutty, they should be treated as a slut.

Now what does this all hav eto do with me going thru a lot with this girl who's obsessive that Is driving me down to the dirt? Well I guess I want to prove to myself that I'm a prick. Because anyone is capable in doing so!!

Who knows...this is just how I feel about life tonight. Emotions vary, and maybe I'll change for the better or worse tomorrow. Who the fuck knows anyway!

Oh, and I suppose If I say I got into STudent Senate, I'll be bragging right? Like ppl give a damn anyway. REason why I ran is because I WANT TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I CAN LEAD RATHER THAN BEING AN AVERAGE DIPSHIT WHO'S FAT, LAZY...I ALSO WANT TO PROVE THAT I WILL NOT HOLD MYSELF BACK AND KICK IT IN THE ASS....

Those who doubted me can go to hell!!
piss off

jon

Hellraiser

I had a hell of a birthday. Better one compared to the last couple of years. My 20th sucked and my 21st...I can't remember a whole lot.

I started the evening with losing our playoff game, and took it to the bar with my friend Aaron. We had a couple of smithwicks, then Andy showed up. We took it over to the Keg and Cork and had some combats, killians pitcher, and more combats. When Alex came...trouble!! I had a few tequilla shots and you can forget about me studying for my anthro test!!

Danae picked me up and took me home to do some fraternity business with my pledge brothers. Spent an hour with them and then went back to the bar. This time, it was at 209..Aaron and I went. We drank beer after beer and got a free birthday drink. A drunk guy also gave me his beer as well. Two free drinks. Woot woot. I saw the Maple Hall director there and bullshitted for awhile. Cool guy. Think his name is Brian. Anyway, he was wasted. I had some good tunes playing...GN'R, Crue...good shit. So we drank, I called people like I normally do when I drink. I remember a delta wished me a happy birthday, and so did some Theta Taus. The ex kept texting me and we ended up fighting as usual. I guess whenever I talk to her about what I'm doing with my life makes her suicidal cuz she isn't accomplishing much herself...woops. Well anyway, she's dumb. I finished the evening at country kitchen with Aaron and Rachel and God knows how I got home.

Woke up the following morning, called my professors that I cannot make it cuz I was "sick". I was hungover somewhat, and didn't study for my test. I'll take the test another day. Shit. Big fat lie. I feel terrible, but better that than failing the son of a bitchin' test.

Yesterday I vowed not to drink after my birthday for awhile. I started the day at 6 pm, went to the senate meeting after having a long day being a hermit with a hangover. Went to the meeting, we talked about the cost of natural gas on campus will go sky high. We also discussed that taking more than 14 credits on campus will be cheaper (something called a band...they want the enrollment to go high). President Quistgaard and VP Mahki were in there to discuss all this. We also might get some taxi and bus service to take people out to bars and back. That idea..cool..but I don't think it's necessary. We all have legs and feet..we can walk back like I do usually. But then there's winter...There's always someone who's willing to be a DD anyway.

Abotu How I vowed not to drink last night..I DID! after the fraternity meeting, I went out with a few guys to get some 7 dollar combat pitchers and played a game of pool. Afterwards went back to one of the guy's house to play a game of cribbage and I'm getting the hang of it, I must say. Good game, it's tits. After that, I got into a heated argument with one of the boys with politics. Oh, how he pissed me off and I think he intentionally does it. He's like Bill O'Reilly...it's either his opinion you agree with or else you're dumb!! I did stump him a couple times and left the picture somehow.

Went home at 5 am with my pledge brother Jay. It was a good night. I got up early enough to finish homework for today, and rest of the evening, going to study for my anthro test and take it tomorrow.

Peace Out

Jon

Happy Birthday?

Yesterday was my b/d. I turned 22..new age, now i'm an old man. doesn't seem like it. and oh...a girl forced me to ask her out last night as well so i did. i'm in a relationship now but it doesn't seem like it. it really doesn't phase me. I mean...

1.) i still do my own thing..played my last intramural football game for the season and signed up for eurospring regardless (i'm offically going!!)

2.) i'm not really physically attracted to her by any means...(ohhh good God, i did it again)

3.) OTE (work, work, and more work)

So therefore, i had a shitty birthday. It was because I have a test tomorrow that I WILL SKIP and I felt obligated to hang out with "her" all day. Plus Laura called and somehow got my number and wished me a happy birthday. I still called her names and tried everytyhing I can to make her feel like crap. Haha..once again I succeeded. I really do not like her at all.

Drunk, can't you tell?

sleep = remedy

Jon

Brainstew

Green Day


I’m having trouble trying to sleep
I’m counting sheep but running out
As time ticks by
And still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind
On my own... here we go
My eyes feel like they’re gonna bleed
Dried up and bulging out my skull
My mouth is dry
My face is numb
Fucked up and spun out in my room
On my own... here we go
My mind is set on overdrive
The clock is laughing in my face
A crooked spine
My sense dulled
Passed the point of delerium
On my own... here we go


Overall, I have never been so stressed in my life, and i am having a hard time handling shit. Lot of people judge me for this fraternity...some good friends which is sad and I have had it!! i don't wnat to tell them to fuck off but i wish they would accept it like i would ACCEPT THEIR WAYS OF LIFE!!

Depressed And Stressed....

My life is sooo twisted now, I cannot explain it.

Some factors may include that I'm pledging for OTE still. I'm way too stressed out doing so. I love these people. I had a blast with them last night at Jarret's house, drinking beer. But the morning after, I just realize how much my life just isn't satisfying for me right now.

For one thing, a friend of mine has lost all trust in me and respect cuz of an incident that had happened on 3B. (Not Andy E...he's one of my closest buddies). I won't explain it on here, but I'm a little bummed about it.

Stressed out with studies and have a big anthro test this wednesday and I totally fucked the first two tests up twice. I really REALLY cannot fail out of this school.

Yesterday at work, a co-worker told me that I have changed in a bad way. I used to be loveable and kind and now I'm this totally different person with a chip on my shoulder and don't care much for anything or anybody. I was shocked. I was kind of pissed off about it at first, but then I was like "I'M AN ASSHOLE AND THAT MAKES ME INVULNERABLE!!" Ha! take that.

This girl has a super crush on me after our little fling a week ago. She went home this weekend, and talked to me on MSN and we chatted for awhile on friday night. She said some comments that I had a hard time dealing with, and she came out as completely obsessive. She even brought her cousin into this which really caught me off guard.

"I'm freaking out here cuz I feel you don't like me and think i'm weird..."

"So I've been asking around who your previous crushes were..you still like them?...."

"I'm in a weird mood because I feel you don't like me enough..."


Goddamnit, what to do when I get into this predicament? I met her drunk and had a fling but rarely talked to eachother sober. I don't know...I was lonely but overall, maybe I do prefer being single.

If I feel cornered as she forces me to be in a relationship like this, one word:

Goodbye.

That is how I honestly feel.


Andy, sorry i left you room like i did last night. 'nother thing that bummed me out. I went out, and had a good time and was safe. thanks for the drinks and I got completely hammered off your last strong one. I owe you big time!

and I can't explain why I am depressed.

Jon

Other stories..

I learned Chris has his ways with 55 year old ladies...

russians who live at my dorm caught me on tape being beligerant!!! all must see.

I went from room to room screaming "Where's the PORN at?"

Holy Smokes...

Last night was the wildest night of this semester.

I started the night off working at the Lutheran campus center after classes and helped out with supper for a buck. It was awesome. I am glad that this fraternity I'm trying out for is getting me to do all these good things.

Moving on...

I was drinking strong everclear drinks at Andy's room...2 of them the last I counted. I was up there with Andy, chelsea, and a couple other girls (katie was one of them) and then I got up and headed for the 'Keg' downtown.

I stopped at Bixby avenue on the way. A friend invited me to stop by, steph. She bought me a cup and I was like shit, i cannot stay long I have to go to the bar. But I stayed longer than I wanted and was worth it. I remember I was on the dance floor with a couple girls. It was a blast. I took off to the Keg afterwards and that is when the craziness started.

I was at the keg...bought a couple beers...drank myself retarded. As I awaited to pay my bill, I whipped it out and took a piss behind the bar. What the hell? Do I not give two shits about anything when I'm drunk? Anyway, I followed my friends to the U-bar and then I ran into some very strange motherfucking people.

This girl, fuck if i know her name today, from the res somewhere bought me drinks after drinks and got me good and hammered like hell. I remember dancing with her and then she followed me back to the bixby party with her friends. I started to kick it there, and then we were all asked to leave and I remember my friend Chris (OTE Chris) stopped by and saved my ass let's just put it that way. I was outside talking to these strange people ( I was trapped...I was afraid i would wake up with a slit throat up at the res after getting mugged.) 'She' and I then all of a sudden went to the north side of the house and started to do shit. YIKES!! I was so fucking gone. So incoherant to know what the fuck was going on, and was at a place where I shouldn't been. Chris gave me a ride home. That was not all. I walked to Oak to bullshit with andy cuz i promised I would return. I went there for a bit and bullshitted. I think Cush and Lee were still up and I was talking about my night at the party.

Went home...ah...shit, passed out. woke up missed a buttload of calls.

Cooper, if you read this thanks for the good times. I apologize for being fucked up. Way too fucked up.

Chris thanks for saving my ass.

Steph, thanks for the cup. I owe you one big time. Next time we go out and I'm invited in your party, I'll buy you....at least 5 drinks.

And it's not my birthday celebration yet!!

-Jon

(J2K is dead)

been playing all night and the music's alright...

God here we go again...

1 drink....

2 drink.....

3 drink......

FLOOR!!

I did it all this summer with classes and got a 3.0 average, and shit, i'm in a pickle this semester and it sucks. not doing so great. Really need to get it all together.

andy...you know i will never turn down a drink from you but fucking taking an equivalent of 10 drinks..for christ sakes.

Ahhhh...it's out of my own will. I celebrated my best friend's birthday today that is why i got drunk (thanks for the free alcohol, andy). He turned 22 and a week away, i'll be 22. He's cool shit. His name is Scott...wrote about him before. We were like wayne and garth in high school. Bill and Ted...name it all...we were the only people in school who brought the art of music in our class. Name it all...we brought em'! Metallica, Ozzy, Guns N Roses, The doors, etc..while other people were stuck with plastic shit liek third eye blind and smashmouth!! We listened to it all...woodstock shit to today's shit. Now he likes sad bastard stuff and I'll accept it. I'll keep up with my conservative ways, keep everything the same in my life with Metallica's black album, GN'R Appetite going....Nostalgic. Just how I like it.

He's cool shit...BSU needs to meet 'Scottley Crue' one of these days along with J2K. We will rock the hiz-house!!!!!!! Lp4 now there's an example...no one has heard our demos yet.

22...christ! We are not getting any younger, fellows.

-J2K

The Kids Are Alright...

Update: The Explanation.

I headed over to Oak, where she lives, and b'sed with andy for a bit, and told me that she wanted to talk to me, (the girl i was with last night) about stuff. stuff? this doesn't sound good. So i went to her place, hour before work, and she and i had a good conversation. She thought I left cuz the party cuz:

1.) I wanted nothing more than a piece of ass

2.) she thought I thought she was weird.

So I explained my reasons about worrying that i was too touchy feely and making her feel uncomfortable. She thought I was pretty foolish for thinking that. :s!! Anyway, everything is all good in the hood. (There's other stuff we talked about, but you all will have to ask about that later. i won't post it here.) She said she is so into me that we definently need to keep hanging out and know eachother. go from there.

I must say I am excited. I'll be careful with this one. Don't wnat to make that same mistake that I made with laura. and starting things off 'slow..' i have never done that before with a girl. This is my first time doing something like that i guess.

and cut...

J2K

Leave Me Be...I'm FINE!!

(I like the title cuz it's something andy and i look back whenever we think of our friend jesse passing out.)


my weekend: same story, same ol' shit

Hung Out at Aaron/Rachel's this morning after watching a Wild Game last night. Chilled out there since it's been a couple months since i have been there. Original plan last night was to hang out with this new girl in my life, but i felt like i was being used to pay for her drink at the same party i went to on friday. had a blast with her friday. I did go to a friend's house, jackie, passed out and woke up with marker on my face (thanks ANDY!!) on friday.

I wanted to pass out rather than having food. I kept telling people to...

"Leave me be...I'M FINE!!!"

nope, the face shows that I wasn't left alone.

next day i felt akward around her, and didn't want to give out signals that i like her a lot or i don't like her that much. that is why andy and i left the party to catch a wild game at alex's. I wonder how andy's new fling is going wtih him today..

Here are my reasons why i feel uneasy around this girl:

a.) don't wnat to make her feel uncomfortable

b.) try not to fall for her that much cuz i'm afraid to get hurt.

c.) space.

about this girl, find her really cool but again I have known her for 3-4 days now so it is hard to see where this goes. I don't want to make it out more than it is now.


So i got drunk with my friends, wihtout her, and turned out great to not feel that awkward feeling around her all night.

Thank you guys - Andy, Alex, Big Jon, Ryan, aaron, and Rachel for making my night turn out better.

About the girl, i left her at the party. hope she doesn't think i'm an ass like most men. i'll explain my shit later i guess. heard she was upset that I didn't show up at the party later on.

Pizza Smut today too...

Ah christ...story of my life!!

J2K

Lies Girls Have Told Me
This is republished from another blog but I liked it so much I stole it (from maddoxx and cowboy). Thank You Guys

Girl says: "I didn't do anything over the weekend.."
LIE. This translates into "I got drunk and had lots of sex that I regret havin now that Im sober, but I'd rather not sound like a slut, so Ill give you the false impression that I live a modest life sitting at home and reading over my weekends, so youll have to find out what I really did from people talking behind my back." This is probably closer to the truth then most people think. And dont talk to me about some political rant saying "well not every girl is like that blah blah blah..." I know that not every girl is like that. Nobody cares.

Girl says: "Ive kissed one guy."
LIE No girl has kissed one guy. Any girl that says she has kissed only one guy is either too young to have kissed more, or a damned liar.

Girl says: "I think your cute."
LIE. No girl thinks Im cute. Im repulsive. Im hideous.

Girl says: "Looks dont matter to me"
LIE. Looks dont mater, MY ASS. Looks matter. Any girl that says "loods dont matter" is in denial. Proof? The good looking jerks that treat women like shit always get the women.

Girl says:" I want to find a guy thats sensitive.."
LIE. This one's a whopper. Girls dont want sensitive guys, nay, when it comes down to it all they really want is sex. Most of them are no better then the assholes they sleep with. Sure.. they want sensitivity..ass slapping, hair pulling sensitivity. What girl in their right mind would willingly sleep with with a total jerk? Are all these girls being raped? Or are they really just horny? They want sensitivity..or at least thats what theyll have you believing, with their warm smiles and good looks. Just once Id like to meet a good looking girl thats not in denial, and that wont put on an integrety show, and that will just come out and admit that shes been pounded more times then any nail in in the floor she stands on, like the whore that she is. At least then Id respect her for being honest. Its so transparent to me whats going on. They fritter their lives away having sex every day day of the week, and then go to church on sunday and think they're clean again. They're only fooling themselves. Its probably the only way they can live with their conscience (or lack therof).

Girl says" I just broke up with my boyfriend,so Im not going to date for a while."
LIE. I hear this one a lot. They say it to sound like they're not whores goind from one guy immediately to the next, but come the first good looking jerk with slick hair and a nice car and she'll be in bed with him faster then she can contract his STD's

Girl says: "I like to have fun"
LIE. Some girls ive talked to have been so shallow, that when asked what they like to do shell simply say, "I like to have fun.." No shit? I thought you liked being bored like the rest of us. What the hell kind of answer is "I like to have fun.." Whoe doesnt like to have fun? Upon further probing for what they like to do theyll say "well uhhh I like to swim and go hiking, and uh..I like to just hang out with friends...uuhhh I like to to see movies..Uhh." Okay she likes to see movies. Potential for a conversation. so Ill ask them what movies they like, and without fail they always say.."oh..uhh..I like all movies.." No dipshit, you dont like all moves. Nobody does. What movies do you like? "uhh.. I like romantic movies mostly." ( I dont really say dipshit..Im usually well mannered around women..not that it matters, since they only want a rich guy to skrew). My fault on that one, I should have known. Upon further interrogating (at least it seems like interrogation, since they have nothing to say about anything that matters outside of their microcosm of exsistence), they tell me they like music, of course. This is all torture to me. Why the hell should I waste my time with someone so damn boring?

Girl says: " like guys with a sense of humor"
LIE. I consider myself to have a sense of humor. Anyone that comes to this site and leaves without being offended has to have a sense of humor (or a really low attention span). Most of the girls that say this usually mean to say "Im a giddy little girl that laughs at everything regardless of how everything I laugh at is painfully not funny." The elusive "guys with a sense of humor " they talk about are jerks that treat them like shit so often, that they have no choice but to think that its funny so they can live with themeslves for dating them. Pathetic.

If you read all of these. go to http://maddox.xmission.com

Sick of this life..not that you cared....

I'm alone....

I don't think i'm secure with myself or never will be to start a relationship again.

met a girl tongiht. She seemed too awesome for me. We have a date tomorrow at the Nelsons (???) heard of it before from ginger, jackie (call her jacks) and smo' (steph)...pretty overwhelmed by it.

See how it goes....we had some deep, serious conversations tonight and was told that i like any other guy looks forward to sex.

So whoopidy fucking doo...i like sex.

What if I like this girl?

She also pointed out that:

a.) I have low-self esteem

b.) insecure (some other girl pointed that out to me but for respect issues, i will not display her name.)

c.) she noticed that I once loved someone who broke my heart and am very cautious...

(That'd be laura..she is now living a miserabl life and is secluded from her family cuz her dead-beat fuck-friend is an un-employed, middle aged loser who will never amount to anything. They are going to move to the cities too. Good luck! I still get urges to harass her on the phone but not worth it. Thank God I don't have to see her face anymore in the near future!)


So are are girls pointing out my downfalls to bring me down or help me out...who the fuck knows. how do i got about it if a girl points out my downfalls? I cannot improve overnight for christ's sakes. It's like they are not patient with it. Hell am I to do about it? Sucks ass, friends, it sucks ass.

At least I'm wise. AT least i won't take shit. Had it I have had it!!

I have fucking had it!!

www.facebook.com

Check me out! I'm that cookie eaten-fatass on the board!

J2K

Hiding

Where the hell have i been?

Busy. Finally for once I'm taking my school work seriously, and less time to dink around. (Well pledging for OTE keeps me busy as well.) It's a lot of fun pledging. I think my pledge brothers are a little uptight with shit, but they can just as well go fuck themselves for being little bitches that act like they are on the rag. I cannot cooperate with bitches right now. That is why I don't have a gf to nag me all the time at this moment....(with all do respect, ladies).

Last messages were my 'weekend' messages that make no sense really. I took aderral earlier this week, and totally wrecked me. I was up all night that night. NO HOMEWORK...just dinking around. I read a little bit on the Paul O'Neil book. Good stuff. VP Dick for pres? Seems like he has his shit together. Paul did.


i Have no time to hang out with buddies. Kind of sucks, but two more days I'll be able to. I'm getting drunk this weekend again. Anyone want to join?

Stress...


What else have i been up to this week....


Nothing exciting enough to put on my blog!

cannot download music..piss me off, fucking jerk...get on my nerves!!

J2K

Post.

Looking forward to this post is like looking forward to a journey across the ocean. I will be on a ferry, by myself. i will let the wind take me to wherever. here comes the storm...i'm still content. mellon collie has washed away from shore many, many miles away from here, in fact, the place where i have started. during my trip, i hear the voices of the past that no longer matter to me. i see people tonight on my facebook that once were dead to my mind. I ressurect them all. i will say hi, how are you doing? question is after that 4 minutes of conversation: will i let them die once again?

here i am, no appetite for food, wearing my aviators, been up for 24 hours. my eyes don't sting in pain. i don't have the will to sleep. i'm free but delicate. it cannot get any better than this. fuck you, world.

i try to focus on now. i want to analyze the wonders of the world. i want to grasp the relations in which PEOPLE INTERACT = GOVERNMENTS THAT INSTITUTE HUMANS = DEBATES = FILLIBUSTER= AGREEMENT/ARGUMENT = NATION CONFLICT = WORLD CONFLICT = WHY SHOULD I EVEN GIVE A SHIT?!



Democracize us. Too much chaos, corruption amongst citizens. dammit.

We depend on you, master, show us how to live.

---------------------------

To avoid death, obey your master.

I am me and i'm not you, master....THIS MEANS DEATH FOR ME.


We fucking fools.



On this ocean, below us is a different world. A much different system of living, but the same. Fish are innocent. Nothing governs the fish. Get to do whatever they damn well please. ....they swim... then BOOM! predator scores. predator succeeds. fucking sharks. fucking criminals. Predators down below like child molesters on ground. Why do they remain free? Nothing will stop the predator that are feared..that are ruthless...that are despicable.

There's no social class with animals. They are not classified. They all somehow live in a community very well. Shitload of deer. That is why it is up to us humans to kill them. Animals do, however, live with emotion. live to survive. Raise young. No schooling to become high and mighty. Wouldn't life be grand that way? no greed, no luxury to be satisfied.

I still see no human life on this ferry.....

Visions blurry...

Rescue...

no one rescues.

It's up to me.

Totally fucking up to me.

Post.

Aderall...

aderall is bad..

Aderall is bad...

Aderall Is bad....

Aderall Is Bad......

ADERALL Is Bad.......

ADERALL IS Bad........

ADERALL IS BAD..........

..aderall is bad
...Aderall is bad
....Aderall Is bad
......Aderall Is Bad
.......ADERALL Is Bad
........ADERALL IS Bad
........ADERALL IS BAD

One Bourbon...One Scotch...One Beer....

Been awhile since i have been here....more than 24 hours at least.

had a hell of a weekend, and must say i have not been so drunk in a long time. it was great. i was told i urinated at numrous places downtown. The bars aren't a good place to go i have learned.

1.) you drive there (plan to drink), you go thru hassels trying to get home drunk. really sucks when you wake up the day after knowing you lent your car out to someone, and don't know where the fuck your vehicle went.

2.) you get paid middle of the week. when weekend comes...wallet is empty, including the bank account. i could get a case of beer....

3.) you see your ex-gf and her friends around, and drama starts...you make an ugly scene. you also kick a garbage can over cuz the bar sucks..you are asked to leave. haha, did my part...i leave with pride!!


4.) you keep drinking...drinking...drinking.....ouch, there's the floor!

5.) YOUR FRIENDS BUY YOU MYSTERY DRINKS AND GOD KNOWS WHAT'S NEXT?!!!

These bars have no class in bemidji anyway, besides bridgett's cross. best one i have been to, i must say.

J2K

i'm in a glass case of emotion....

fuck me....

drunk....

1, 2, 3....

floor!!!

(22nd birthday in 16 days ??)

Libra's are too emotional.....